Don’t Eat Them Nasty Sliders with Cheese Spray and Green Olive Spread

We had planned to get up early on Sunday and run. Somehow, we didn’t get out there until it was too late and way too hot to even think about it. We decided to wait until after 7 p.m. to do our run, and to tack an extra mile on the end.

We pretty much dinked around all day Sunday, watching movies, taking naps and doing the odd bit of laundry. There haven’t been many such days for me lately, with all the house-related duties that need my attention.

The fridge was pretty well devoid of food and I needed laundry detergent, so around noon we got in the car and headed over to Big Lots, saying we would pick up some burgers on the way home. Big Lots has an international food section and we allowed ourselves to get sucked into its vortex. There was goat milk chocolate spread. There were pickles of every kind, from everywhere you can imagine. There was green olive spread. Green olive spread. Yes, I said green olive spread. The label said it was made with green olives, olive oil, basil, capers . . .it sounded fabulous to me. We got some. We picked up some chips and, while we waited at the register, Tim impulsively grabbed a can of cheese spray. We didn’t inspect the ingredients. Some things you just don’t want to know.

We headed over to Braum’s to get some burgers and they were having a special on a "Bag o’ Burgers," basically five sliders. We got one and asked how much it would be to add cheese. It was 40 cents a burger. Good grief! I told Tim we could always use the cheese spray. Yes! The cheese spray! He smiled and gave me the thumbs up.

Apparently we had gone to sleep, normal adults, on Saturday evening and somehow had awakened Sunday morning, college kids with the munchies.

We got home. We put both the olive spread and the spray cheese on the burgers. We wolfed them down. Oh, the foolhardiness of youth.

Six hours later, I was hungry again and I knew it was going to be too late to eat when we returned from our run, so I quickly made some pasta and ate it. We got ready and drove to the lake to run. I was fine during the warm-up, but about a half-mile into the run, I felt like I was carrying a three pound stone in my gut. I won’t go into further detail, but it wasn’t pretty. I didn’t know it, but Tim wasn’t feeling too hot, either. He apparently covers it up better.

I made it about two miles, maybe a little less. Tim ran on ahead, got the car, and picked me up. My hero. I mean that, with all my heart.

If you see me with a can of cheese spray, olive spread or any one of the aforementioned food items in my hand at any time before the marathon, knock it out of my hand and kick my ass.